The Talk

When you're a parent there are certain responsibilities. You're the one who guides your little bundle of joy through their early years. You mostly lead by example. That is why we lie a lot. Who really is that nicely mannered? But in front of your kids, you have to be. There are also times when you have to sit your kids down and have a heart to heart talk.

I pride myself on being a progressive parent. I try to answer my childrens' questions as truthfully as possible. I do have to take their age into account, and will skim over certain parts when need be. There is one talk in particular that I've had to have with my kids over and over. The Stranger talk.

I'm sure you've all been through it. I know I have. And my kids have. Hundreds of times. Honestly, if I hadn't seen their IQs myself, I'd wonder about my kids. And, no, I never dropped them on their heads. They just don't get certain concepts. This "stranger" thing is one of them. All of their young lives I've told them "Don't talk to anyone you don't know!" You'd think that would spell it out right there. You'd be wrong.

During a shopping trip, I see my son chatting up two women. I call him over and ask him what he was doing, he says he was talking to these nice ladies, I said that he was talking to strangers, he says "Oh, no, mom. They're not strangers! I told them my name." Yep. A big d'oh moment. So I had to specify "Do not tell anyone your name. Ever. Unless it's a cop and you're lost or something, but I'd rather you just tell them that you're looking for me and give them my name. You know my name, right? A hint. Not 'mom'." That seemed to work, but my kids are on the trusting side. Particularly the boy. So I give them pop quizzes..

Me: "So this person you don't know comes up to you and says that he's got some cute little puppies and asks if you want to come with him and see them. What do you do?"

The Boy: "I ask him how old the puppies are and if I can pet them." He looks very proud of this answer.

Me: Sigh.

The Girl: "No, dummy! You say that you have to ask mommy if you can go with him to play with the puppies."

Me: "No.."

The Boy: "Oh! I ask where the puppies are!"

Me: "This is a stranger. Do you go with the stranger?"

The Boy: "Only to play with the puppies and when I'm done, I'll call home because I remember the phone number."

Me: Rubbing away impending headache. "You would go with a stranger to his house?"

The Girl: "What kind of puppies are they?"

Me: "The puppies don't matter!"

The Girl: "Well, are they the fluffy kind? They're cute and I like them."

Me: "Ok. You aren't getting this. He's a stranger. Do you talk to strangers?"

The Girl: "No!"

The Boy: "But we can play with the dogs, right?"

Would you believe that they're both at the top of their classes? I know, it's amazing. As I told my mother, I'm quite sure that their teen years will either drive me irreversibly insane or cause me to have a stroke. Very likely during a shopping trip. While they talk to a stranger. About puppies.